The Lighthouse Chapter 10

Chapter TEN:

Alice took another sip of tea, telling herself it contained enough calories to sustain her until lunch. Eloise had just said she was hungry, and she and Robin had left to go pick something up in town.

After Robin had given them all something to do—wisely pairing herself with both Eloise and Kristen—they’d worked mostly in silence. Robin would ask a question every now and then, and Kristen would answer it. The recycle bin kept getting fuller and fuller, while the box Kristen had brought out from one of the back bedrooms only had a few papers and journals in it.

Alice had been shredding receipts for a couple of hours now, and while it wasn’t terribly exciting work, she enjoyed doing it. She imagined each faded, almost blue piece of paper was a piece of her life she wanted to let go of, and she relished watching it sliver into thin strands that curled along the ends.

She finished one drawer of files and tossed the now-empty file folders in the recycling bin. A sigh came out of her mouth, and she had the serious urge to eat the door off the refrigerator just to get to whatever food was inside.

Kristen looked up from the book she held in her hand. “You okay, dear?”

Alice smiled at her, and it didn’t feel fake against her lips. The scent of dust hung in the air, and while this wasn’t the house where Alice had hung out during some of the best times of her life and some of the worst, the woman was the same.

Kristen had been the mother Alice had lost at a pivotal point of her life. She’d told her everything would be okay when Alice didn’t understand the world without her mother in it. She’d made seafood scampi with plenty of butter and cream, and Alice hadn’t even thought twice about eating it.

As time had passed, the pain had lessened. Alice had stopped hearing her mother’s voice telling her to get up and get ready for school or she’d be late. Her father had come back to the land of the living, and Alice had wondered if Jennifer Golden had ever said anything to him about taking care of his teenagers.

Things changed. Alice had changed.

But Kristen had not. Kristen had always been steady in her faith in Alice, and she feared that if Kristen knew the truth about her life, she’d be so upset. Alice was living that life, and she was upset about it sometimes.

Kristen always had a smile for Alice, along with a warm hug, and the exact right thing to say. This visit had been a bit stilted, but Alice understood in a way no one else could.

She hadn’t answered Kristen’s question, because she didn’t know if she was okay. She hugged the older woman, glad when Kristen seemed to need Alice’s strength as much as Alice needed hers.

No words came from her mouth. None were needed. Kristen was there, and that had always been all Alice needed. She should’ve known she’d never survive a marriage where her husband spent the week in another city, leaving her home alone to raise head-strong twins.

“We’re back,” Robin said, and Alice retreated into the kitchen, keeping her back to the new hustle and bustle as Eloise and Robin came into the cottage, bringing the scent of freshly baked bread with them.

Her stomach absolutely roared, and Alice decided right then and there to eat whatever had come on that bread. She lifted her teacup to her lips and sipped, taking a quick second to make sure her emotions had not leaked out of her eyes. She wanted to be strong for Kristen, though she knew it was impossible to be as strong as Robin.

“Alice,” Eloise said, and she turned toward her. “Meatball sub.” She put a paper-wrapped sandwich on the counter, and Alice stared at it.

“I haven’t had one of these in years,” she said, a smile curving her lips. She met Eloise’s eyes, and so much was said though not a word was spoken. Alice had lost the art of hugging in the Hamptons, but she easily stepped into Eloise’s arms. “Thank you.”

“I remembered how much you liked them,” Eloise whispered. She stepped back and busied herself with getting out the rest of the sandwiches. She had the most beautiful dark hair that had a natural wave she’d permed into the tightest curls as a child of the eighties. Now, it hung in long curls which framed her pale face.

“Did you get the seafood medley?” They’d frequented Carlos’s Deli countless times together, and Alice wasn’t surprised that Eloise would choose the establishment for her first lunch on the island.

“You bet I did.” Eloise smiled and set the other two sandwiches on the table. “Come sit by me.”

Alice didn’t need to be invited twice. She took her warm meatball sub and joined Eloise on one of the barstools at the bar. “How’s college life?”

Eloise shook her head. “You know what? It’s kind of boring.”

“Well,” Robin said as she entered the small kitchen and started making coffee. “Anything would be boring compared to that man we ran into at the deli.” She looked at Eloise with pure suggestion on her face.

Alice looked from her to Eloise, noticing the flush that flooded Eloise’s face. She giggled even as she stilled with surprise. “Eloise,” she said, nudging the studious, academic woman. Alice had done fine in school, but Eloise knew things Alice didn’t even know she needed to know.

“What?” Eloise said, her voice dark. She bit into her sandwich. “It was nothing.”

“It was not nothing,” Robin said, scoffing. “He was flirting with you, Eloise.”

“So you’ve said,” Eloise said dryly. She rolled her eyes and took another bite. “Mm, their garlic shrimp is so good.”

“You’re not distracting me with garlic shrimp,” Alice said. “Who was it?”

“No one,” Eloise said at the same time Robin said, “Aaron Sherman.”

Alice’s attention flew back to Eloise, her eyes widening though she told herself not to react. Even a couple of days away from Frank had broken her concentration, because her mouth hung open too.

Eloise’s eyes begged her not to say anything, and Alice clamped her mouth shut. She ripped off the sticker on her sandwich, trying to think of something to say.

“The Police Chief?” Kristen asked.

“That’s right,” Robin said. “Single, handsome, quite well off.”

“How is a police chief well off?” Alice asked, hoping to throw Eloise a bone. She and Eloise were the only ones who’d snuck over to Pearl Island for a beach party, where none other than Aaron Sherman had demonstrated his chivalry and athletic prowess all in one spectacular move.

After that, Eloise had entertained a mad crush on the boy, but Aaron had only friendly smiles for her. Then she’d met Wes, and that had become a whole basket of snakes that didn’t end until they’d divorced. She never should’ve married Wes at all, and everyone knew it.

In that moment, Alice felt the world narrow and slow and stop. Did people think that about her? That she never should’ve married Frank?

“He’s the chief,” Robin said. “They make good money.”

“He has two cute girls too,” Kristen said, and that got Alice’s mind off her own problems.

“Really? Married and divorced?”

“Yes,” Robin said, something guarded in her tone.

“Who did he marry?”

“Not someone from here,” Robin said, moving around the counter to sit at the table with Kristen. “So don’t worry, Eloise.”

“Why would she be worried?” Alice asked.

“I’m just saying, it wasn’t anyone we went to high school with.”

“That is a relief,” Eloise said, cutting a look at Alice.

“So, did he ask you out?” Kristen asked.

Eloise laughed as she shook her head. “No, he didn’t.”

“He practically did,” Robin said, almost protesting.

“No, he didn’t,” Eloise said, twisting on her barstool and glaring at Robin. “He was just buying sandwiches for his guys. He’s friendly. That’s how he always is.” On her way back to facing forward, she met Alice’s eye.

A huge wave of sympathy rolled over Alice. Aaron had been friendly in high school too. That was the perfect word for the man, and it didn’t seem like he’d changed all that much. And poor Eloise knew that friendly from Aaron Sherman meant nothing. She’d read into it once before, and she obviously wasn’t going to do it again.

Alice’s heart beat a little too fast as she thought about preserving her friend’s feelings. She wanted to save Eloise from another fiasco with Aaron Sherman, even though the last one had been Eloise’s private suffering.

Alice was well-acquainted with private suffering, and she focused back on her meatball sub, ready to devour the whole thing. Around her, Robin talked, because Robin was very good at filling silence with meaningless chatter. Alice actually liked it, and she wished one of her strengths was talking about absolutely nothing in a way that made everyone feel welcome.

Lunch ended, and Alice went back to the office where she’d been getting files to shred. She’d finished the filing cabinet before lunch though, and she opened a drawer in the desk that looked like portfolios Eloise would keep for her students.

Alice frowned down at the brown hanging file folders with the individual manila folders inside, wondering what Joel would’ve possibly put in this drawer that had needed to be kept for all these years. He and Kristen must have moved this stuff when they’d left the lighthouse, and Alice couldn’t fathom holding on to all of this for so long.

She didn’t even like keeping the same living room furniture for longer than five years. Get rid of the old, make way for the new, that was her motto.

Her phone vibrated, and she took a moment to pull it out to see who had texted. She should probably alert Frank to the fact that he’d be coming home to an empty house in a couple of days, but she wasn’t sure she cared that much.

If she didn’t, though, he’d call her, and she’d have to talk to him.

The text she’d received had come from Charlie, and Alice smiled as she read it. The sailing is fun, Mom. Thanks for bringing us to the cove.

Her heart warmed, and she pressed her eyes closed as she took a moment to bask in motherhood. There were so many opportunities to feel like a complete failure as a mother, and Alice had nearly drowned in those for the first few years of the twins’ life. Even now, she had no idea what she was doing, and she had absolutely no support. She’d learned early in Frank’s career that he did not want to be texted during the week with family problems at home. He claimed it was because it made him feel bad he wasn’t there, but really Alice knew it was because he didn’t like feeling like a failure either.

From time to time, Alice had a flash of what it was like to feel like a good parent, and this text had just brought her that joy.

I’m glad, she sent back to Charlie. How is Ginny handling the waves?

Good, Charlie said. Della had pills, and she hasn’t thrown up once.

Alice smiled again, though this time, sadness inched her lips back into a straight line fairly quickly. Her children had never met her mother, and while Alice liked Della, and she was glad her father had found someone to love in his later years, a measure of longing clung to Alice no matter what she did.

She wished her mother could know her kids, because that seasickness that Ginny suffered with had come from Alice’s mother. She wanted to share who her mother was with the kids, and she used to tell them about her. She hadn’t in a while, though, and Alice made a vow to herself to make a more conscious effort to include her mother in her children’s lives again.

The truth was, Alice had been beaten down the past few years. This trip to Five Island Cove felt like a whole bucket of fresh air, as she realized that she didn’t have to live this life alone. She could call Robin when she needed to vent about Frank, or text Eloise when she had no idea how to do high school chemistry.

Why hadn’t she?

Alice knew the answer to that question instantly. No one had reached out to her, because they had fuller lives than hers. And she figured if she reached out to them, they’d be bothered. But maybe they were just as lonely as she was. Maybe they needed a listening ear too. Maybe Alice could start the conversation instead of merely continuing it.

“Not only that,” she muttered, tucking her phone in her back pocket and facing the file drawer again. “But you’d have to reveal all your half-truths for the lies they are.”

She reached into the drawer and pulled out as many files as she could hold in her two hands. A couple of folders tried to come too, and they flapped halfway in and halfway out. Alice hefted the folders onto the top of the desk, coughing with the scent of stale paper and old cloth and something else she couldn’t identify.

Alice didn’t normally concern herself with anything old, unless it was an antique from the high-end shop near the pier. Then, she loved poking through vintage chairs and ancient vases to find the just-right thing to put on her front table that would impress any and all who came to the house.

Not that anyone came to her house just to visit.

She looked down at the folders still in the drawer, the one hanging there, half in and half out, and read the name Denise Williams.

It took her a breath in and out to realize that was her mother’s name.

Her mother.

Without telling herself to, Alice reached for the folder. It felt foreign in her hands, almost like she’d never picked up a piece of paper before. She existed somewhere outside her body, her heartbeat reverberating through her whole skull.

Behind her, Robin shrieked, and Alice whipped her attention over her shoulder. Laughter came from the other room, and someone called, “Alice, come here.”

Acting quickly now, she opened the folder and found a single sheet of paper. She didn’t want anyone else to see this, and she folded it in half, then thirds, mashing it into a tight square. Into her back pocket it went, and she picked up the now-empty folder and tucked it inside another one.

She didn’t care what she found out in the living room. She was shredding that folder with her mother’s name on it before anyone else saw it.

“Alice!” Robin called, and annoyance sang through Alice’s system.

She left the office and went down the short hall, saying, “What?”

There was so much crap in Kristen’s house that Eloise had to shift around an outdoor bench that Kristen used for a coffee table for Alice to see who had arrived.

Her breath caught somewhere behind her lungs. “Kelli,” she said, already moving toward the strawberry blonde that had showed kindness to Alice precisely when she’d needed it. She laughed as she hugged the fourth part of their group that had arrived on the island. She laughed as she clung to her, glad that Kelli held her so tightly too.

And in her joy, she almost forgot about the folded lump in her back pocket.

Almost.